My passion to WRITE preceeds me, My urge to be RIGHT defeats me, Certainly, my intent not to be WRONG, guides me. This is my journal, abt life. Abt how I see life. Pls dispute me if you may!...I don't want anyone to agree with me...totally.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

in a distance - playing sollitaire


my heart is deceiving me
leaving me all empty
at home it belongs to be
and in this cold distance
my thoughts are getting smaller
yet the emptiness is getting wilder

in despair
I'm playing sollitaire

and here is me
and there is thee
separated only by sight
in remote distant
yet closer within my heart and wisdom

summer did stopped by
autumn was a lullaby
and winter is alluring high
yet those smiles are cold
touching me in vulnerability untold
it is YOU I am longing to hold

timezone and ocean
alieniating my soul
season and distance
embracing our goal

and my love for you
forever behold


/dzan
Beijing - Nov 2007

Saturday, September 29, 2007

my recurring dreams

Salam Ramadhan,

I've been having these recurring dream.s..for almost 5 years now. It keeps on coming back.

In these dreams I've sensed and knew that all my life and everything I've owned is nothing but a dream - my job, my ratu, my house, my 2 princes and princess. Then I woke up in the middle of the nite... thinking and feeling that my life is truly a dream. Nothing is for real.

I've been wanting to pen this down, until I hear the song Innocence by Avril. Many thanks to my 11 yr old princess who is so into Avril.

Somehow this song describes exactly what I feel after waking up from my recurring dreams. So enjoy. :

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Friday, June 01, 2007

Lina Joy Saga - A Rhetorical Plot

May peace be upon you always.

Caveat : Before anything else, Let me just say that I am a very very RELUCTANT blogger. Gliding from Blog to Blog (or Blog Hopping) is Never my hobby. Getting others to agree with me is Not my interest. And increasing my Blog Rating is just so not me.

So here goes. The world is now mourning for LINA JOY - perhaps the Christiandom only (?). The muslims in Malaysia are Overjoyed(?) for the victory? What victory? Hemm...where are all these coming from and leading us too? So this is a religious battle? I'm not sure to laugh or not to laugh in witnessing, yet another rhetoric ploy of the media (local or international) and the blogging community. So I feel very much compelled to post this. Bummer!!!

By comparison, Lina Joy's story was not even close to the Nadra Tragedy that sparked riots in Singapore some many years ago - in the 1950s. If you have not read the real life story, get the book. I can lend you the book if you want. Contact me.

To say the least, I'm appalled by all these - either the Pro-Islamics or Anti-Islamic sentiments. Too many insinuations and the hidden agendas by all parties. And I am sure they are beaming with joy by their own handiwork of these rhetorical plots.

Let me see, to say that Lina Joy has no freedom to choose her faith is a Foul Cry. She certainly has been a christian and had changed her name for many years now and still living in Malaysia. And to get the court to change the NRD's long standing procedures - simply based on "compassion and freedom" is truly an Orchestrated Ploy. And now it becomes a political twist? And some say that the court should Not decide based on facts?

My Rhetorical Questions:

  1. What is exactly stopping Lina Joy from obtaining the legal document from Syariah Court that she has renounced ISLAM?
  2. Has she actually initiated that process and the Syariah Court has rejected her?
  3. Now who is crying wolf here?

Mind me, I am certain ( as a matter of fact) that if Lina Joy were to go through the process via the Syariah Court, it will Not be the 1st case where the Syariah Court will concede to a person who does NOT want to be a muslim. But the master mind of this rhetorical plot would not want this to happen - to expound and manipulate the issue further. Isn't it oblivious enough by the captions on the Media everywhere?

For the record, Islam does / will not gain or lose - whether or Not Lina Joy is a Muslim. The only person who will gain or lose is Lina Joy, herself. Since religion is a choice, and she has made that cautious choice, it is to her interest to get the document. (I still could not figure it out (already) why she chose the civil court to overrule NRD’s procedures – know so well that she could have done so via the Syariah Court.

If I don't know any better, someone is orchestrating this (perhaps by my own insinuation, Lina Joy herself is mastermind-ing this).

Here is my personal account many many years back (early 1980s):

  • I was in the army then. As fate had it, I was on 24 hrs stand-by duty and was in the camp operation room with a Malay officer ( I think he was a major). High ranking malay in the army back then, were rare. (at least in my country)
  • As our conversation progressed, he talked abt islam. But there were something amissed on what he had said about Islam. We went into circles until he told me that he was a Christian convert.
  • By then, I realised where all these were leading. So i asked him..why was he still holding a muslim name? (Note : By this time, whatever he said abt Islam did not matter to me anymore - since he was NOT a muslim.)
  • And so we got entangled into a heated discussion (not argument though). I certainly scrutinized him for bearing a Muslim name - when he was a proud CHRISTIAN? I pointed out to him that he MUST CHANGE TO A CHRISTIAN NAME immediately for the following reason(s):

1. Bearing a muslim name would only confuse his muslim friends / opponents - considering that he was all charged up to propagate his new set of beliefs. Very deceitful. Mind me, it is no co-incidental that most / some of the Indonesian Christian Bible, printed / translated the word GOD as ALLAH. Literally Allah means GOD.

2. Since religion is a personal choice, (though he was born into islam), it was only fair to the muslims or to the christians that he changed his name - allowing everybody to identify him from afar as a non-muslim. This would allow him to spread his new religion seamlessly.

Personally, I don't want any of my muslim family and / or friends to be duped and deceived by such individual. Believe me, I have no qualms on him (or anybody) wanting to be a Christian.

3. As a person who has decided to renounce ISLAM, he has also GIVEN UP his every right to talk or think FOR Islam. So none of his words abt islam - GOOD or BAD would hold any water. There would be no bearing what-so-ever.

Considering all these, and assuming that his case became a court battle and the court decided that he could keep his muslim name - HOW WOULD THAT MAKE ISLAM WIN OR LOSE???

Would Islam win or lose by the label he was holding? Would he lose his freedom - whether or not the court ruled in his favor? Would the Christiandom win Big?

My point is, stop the insinuation or any other theory craps behind this Lina Joy's verdict / saga. Shall we?

Or you would rather tell yourself that it is better to manipulate and duped others for your own rhetorical joy.

Waallahualam

/dzan

Saturday, May 12, 2007

time

yesterday
was a friend, a foe, and the in-betweens
I cry foul for every fall,
every failed attempts pushed me harder towards destiny

today
is a stranger, never friendlier
while getting acquainted to memories that weren't lost
I found myself in a corner
bolder and stronger - almost wiser!!

tomorrow
is not a distance away
separated only by the memories of yesterday and presumably today
bringing me closer to home
in between love - families and friends...
my abode

my despair is in solitaire
my victory is when I've finally grasped the demeaning defeat

/dzan
may 2007

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

quotes of the day

"Super moms are like wonder woman. They only exist on a fictitious island. God knows where (?)"

"Super dads are like the cryptonite. It only exist to slow you down"

/dzan
March 2007

Sunday, March 04, 2007

my thoughts

my thoughts are sometimes words without precedence
most times they have no sequence
yet leading to unassuming consequences
but sometimes they are words of rebuttal of many other words

summing them up do not make a story
let alone a complete movie
and most times,
its meaning are pure rhetoric

i've written, you've read
i've thought you've sensed
perhaps ,
they are just pure non-sense

/dzan
mar 2007

puisi ku

puisi ku adalah makna kata
sering terungkap juga makna dalam rasa
yang ketawa susah
yang terdiam payah
yang tersusun kekadang indah
tapi yang tersindir
ertinya dimengerti menjadi padah
sebab segala andaian sering tersasar
direntangi nafsu selera bermaharaja-lela

aku menulis dengan hati
tiada seiring dengan naluri
mahu berakal pada budi
tiada menyetujui pada insani
kebatasan itu aku miliki
didalam diam aku mengakui

sebab minda, hati dan naluri sendiri
sering bukan bahan teka-teki
tiada ada larutan
sekadar rambang inspirasi

yang tersurat sudah banyak tersirat
yang sebati sudah menjadi kesumat
yang tergugat hendaknya memberi hormat
yang berkarya punya hak dan peribadi
antara mengerti dan kehilangan bistari
akan dibawa keperut bumi

menunding bila hidup terasa dipinggir
bergegarlah langit sampai bumi menjadi kwatir

/dzan
mar 2007

Saturday, March 03, 2007

jangan

puji bukan menjadi tinggi
yang terendah adalah pekerti
mengerti cuma makna
dalam erti memberi hina
bukan cuma-cuma
sekadar dari rasa binasa

bila terlantun dipuji
jadi dengki
bila tersembam dihina
jadi merana
bila sendiri yang rasa
terpancar selainnya mula dicerca

yang tertinggal adalah kata-kata
dusta

/dzan
mar 07