my bonda oh my bonda

Life has a way with us - somehow. No matter how hard we try to escape from it. More often than not, we found ourselves entangled and get caught up in the in-betweens. And sometimes those matters are so dear to us - yet it would be better NOT said nor Done. And it haunt us like forever - lingering and causing us more and more hang-ups. And when that happens, the toll is just too much to bear.

Recently, I saw a drastic change of my bonda's attitude. While it is for the better, it also means that her days are numbered - so I'm thinking. And that makes me a little (a lot really) sad. It is like she is whispering to my ears that she will meet Allah S.W.T very soon. I'm so scared really. But I'm redha somehow.

She can't walk now. Me and my brother have just employed a maid for her. She seems content and very happy with the maid. Bad excuses for me and my sibbligs for not able to attend to her needs. But I'm glad that the maid that she picked is working out well. And just recently, she agreed to stay in my home - I mean in one of my houses that I'm not living.

That is a change really - for her especially. She has been a very strong and independent person. So she has always wanted to live in her own house. And now with her condition and with the maid to attend to her needs, she agrees to live in my house - while she rent her own place. That way I reasoned that my step-dad don't have to work for money but only for leisure. And my step dad is getting older (though he is 10 yrs younger than my bonda). I hope I'll give him the sense of working is no longer a mandatory. I do hope they can spend more time for leisure.

My heart cried yesterday nite, as I was thinking of her. Whatever the case is, I want my bonda to know and feel that she is well loved by her children. And by Allah's Grace, if her time is up, I do hope that she will go in peace and accepted by Allah for all her little or big deeds. And that she knows that we all luv her truly and we forgive her (if ever) for her misdeeds towards us. She is one woman I know who had made quantum leap progress in taking charge of her own life. And my principle in life is very much like her.

She will be going through a knee-cap operation next month. Though many such ops were successful, I have relatives who passed-away due to some complication after such simple surgery. I'm scared and I do pray and hope that she will go through this successfully. And that she will live longer for us to continue showering our love for her. InsyaAllah Amin.

I do hope you all pray for her well-being too. InsyaAllah. Amin

Praying for yr spritual advancement as I've wished you've prayed for mine. Insyaallah. Amin.

Here's a tribute to my beloved bonda and all other mothers.

May Allah Bless her always.

Thinking 2007

Peace,

2007 caught up with me rather fast. I could hardly catch my breath to appreciate it.

Personally, I could not possibly find solace in New Year celebration. I am not amused nor do I appreciate the "Auld Lang Syne" or other Happy New Year parties all over. But I suppose this global celebration is just too hard to deny.

So, 2007 had put me up against some heavy swings - half swings, full swings..and back into full circles of my life. Bringing me back and forth - in-betweens my younger days, my present and some near future. I saw myself in pains, sadness, happiness and of course disappointment too....all that pains of the past years ..but feeling it as a 3rd person during 2007. Funny right?

But overall ye, 2007 has been fulfilling and meaningful one.

Somehow, 2007 had me at my peak in term of my love life. I began to get that ever luv and tranquil feeling again - for my bonda after 3 yrs of losing it . That luv as i recalled somehow deminished btw 2003 till mid 2005 - due to external fitnah. But I'm so glad i started 2007 with luv and it continues.

Sometimes....I wonder why or how can anyone (few ppl) could possibly say..that I'm too good for this or for that?

Throughout my 43 years of human life, I've never remember running out of Luv - though I've had been falling Out-of-Luv many times. My ratu and kids seem to
get my attention by day. and I'm enjoying it.

My past luv(s) were nothing but memory without true feelings..bad ones are JUST silly memories while the good ones..just memories. And the current luv is ever so fulfilling.

Somewhere in march 2007 my bonda...could not walk. And now she is on wheel chair - pending for her decision to go for knee operation or not. Just heard the news this morning that she is willing to go through the operation. May she recover from it and no complication from the operation.

Then in June on the wheelchair, she (my bonda) brought 2 of my kids and 3 of other grandchildren of hers for ummrah. I was not sure..if i was worried for her or for the kids aged btw 9-12 yrs old. Since she was paying for everyone for the whole trip, how can I prevent her from going right?

Career wise, it was good. It started with a turmoil in the beginning of the year 2007...until I decided to take charge. And Alhamdullillah it picked-up by mid of the year. Hooray.

Ah..but Then..towards the end of the year, I missed my ratu and my kids miserably...on foreign land. Aidilfitri spending away and all.

All in all..I am happy with 2007. But it is far from over. I've yet to fulfill some of the list..so... am only closing 2007 in Feb 2008.

So what is my new year resolution?

1. to spread more influence for world peace and will NOT participate any talk, act or words (directly or otherwise) abt Hatred, War, disintegration or the like - by focusing on my own community -i.e myself and immediate FAMILY.

2. to remain a luving husband / father

3. to be a better muslim who uses the brain to think

4. exercise. get rid of my tummy..and be healthy

What I expect from others?

1. From all the girls/ women of my life (my ratu, my bonda, my princess, my sis:)

a. use more of their brains - be a thinker.
b. be my other set of eyes and ears
c. but some thought of things that affect others in their words and action.
d. assume more responsibilities and be accountable
e. discover their self-worth and add value to themselves.

2. from all the boys of my life:

a. as above
b. be a man.

3. from everyone

a. Stop complaining and don't wait for others to tell or do things for you. Do it yrself and take ownership.
b. Stop looking at caucasians (west) for measurement / benchmarks of happiness and success in life
c. Stop leaning on past successes. Move on by making history in changing our very own community -i.e. Family / destiny

But oh well, until then, I'm struggling for the closure of my 2007 !!! Waallahualam,