excuses

making excuses is like telling lies. you'll never know when to stop. After sometime, you can't see the thin lines between fact and fiction .

missing my princes and princess

I've been married for barely 15 yrs now. Blessed with 2 princes and 1 princess. I see the future in them. And yes the future starts now and with me (and my ratu) as parents. And I luv them dearly. So I never see letting my kids to be home-schooled. Let alone boarding-school.

I reckon that home-schooling takes away the social development and interaction from the child. And perhaps the competitive spirit that the child needs to pick-up from his freinds. No, weekend interaction is never enough. Just like weekend or seasonal (vacation) parenting.

Above that I've yet to meet any parents who can be a master on all subject fields available. Even a school with so many talented teaching staffs could not provide total exposure to the pupils. What more for people like you and me. So no , home schooling is OUT!!!

Besides, I want my kids to grow in the most natural environment today and that means I've to expose them to the "streets".

Boarding schools on the other hand are just too scary for me. Without elaborating, I don't need to be an expert to peek at the future. Considering that their spiritual and mental state will be in the hands of complete strangers i.e. their hostel mates and their teachers. Where do I begin to describe the future? Who can I blame if they ended up like the ummah today i.e blaming cultures and all the sort etc???.

Since young all my 3 kids sleep in the same room as us. And we grew and bond very well. Recently, I've re-renovated my master room. And all of the sudden, my eldest prince and my only princess decided to sleep in their own rooms. Good for them. Though I know that such time will come, why do I miss them miserably. And they are only 1 room away. hemm... Of course as a man I never show it, but I truly miss them. But certainly I'm letting them go and do feel good for their decision.

However, it makes me wonder everytime - how do you guys do it? i.e. Sending yr kids far-far away. Some at a very young age. And some parents I know are doctors, lawyers etc. Inspite of all the 1001 reasonings - what money or what intelligence can buy the lost time? Soon they will grow up, work far away, getting married and live far away.. and..the future? Another remote family....the ummah? Don't we have a choice at all on how and what should our family be? Or just another set of ummah defines by their friends and teachers? Phew!!

How do we account for the lost time? How do we justify that the only things that bond us are our biological-linkages and pure religious piety? Does it really work like that? Hemm...I don't want to find out too late. But instead I'm putting every effort to change the future by making my small steps with them today. If I die failing, at least I know I've tried. Or at least I know that we love each other by the constant and progressive efforts that we do for each other daily - not merely religious piety or biological linkages.

Am I crazy or what?

Wallahualam.

/dzan

Bahagia Bersama Mu

aku tenang bersama mu
walau gejolak hidup sering beradu
walau kesempurnaan masih bertempur dijalan buntu
walau hanya sejengkal waktu

antara engkau dan aku
masih ada rindu dalam kalbu

jiwa ku menggapai bahagia
didalam keberadaan kamu
dibawah degupan sang rembulan
yang sering menjadi perasan
dalam gelap ada juga gemerlapan
dalam godaan ada juga peringatan
keinginan hidup bersama terus belarutan

syukurlah aku dalam nikmat Tuhan

engkau menjadi ratu ku
dalam tasbih berangkulan
dalam jernih syahadah keTuhanan
dalam rintih bermunajat kehidupan

kita sama-sama bahagia
didalam hidup bersuka-duka
walau kudrat terhad berupaya
cahaya mata adalah menjadi pelipur-lara

Alhamdullillah..
doa didalam sujud ku....

adalah aku terus tenang besama mu
adalah aku terus bahagia disamping mu
adalah kita berdampingan menjadi tua
didalam pandangan jarak cahaya-mata
dibawah naungan Tuhan senantiasa

dan kita sama-sama bahagia

// Happy 14th Wedding Anniversary my Ratu //

/dzan
June 2008